Smash’s Mother: I’m gonna say this as plain as I know how. I ain’t got no twelve hundred dollars. How about you try studying for your SAT’s the old fashion way? Quit running around with them fast tailed gals and get your lazy ass upstairs and start reading. How’s that for your SAT prep course?
Tami: Are you okay, April?
April: My Panther wants me to do a three-way.
Tami: Oh.
April: Yeah, and–
Tami: Hey, you know what; I’m just gonna close this door.
April: He says that all the Rally girls do it. You know, I know a ton who have, I just, I haven’t, but I really like him. And uh…And he says that if I do it I’ll be his girlfriend, so…
Landry: Matt, that’s the thing you’re not listening to me. If you look at a girl like a geometry proof the answer is just right in front of you. It’s your job to find the missing variable. You gotta solve for x.
Matt: Yeah, um, that’s actually algebra.
Landry: That’s actually not the point.
Coach Taylor: All right, listen up. I’m supposed to give you some fatherly and wise advice at this time in your life. Listen up, if you’re wondering if a boy’s thinking about you, he’s not. He’s thinking about sex or he’s hungry, those are the only two options.
Julie: Are you trying to be funny?
Coach Taylor: No, I’m not finished, listen to me. Boys think about sex every single minute of the day. That’s what they do, that’s why they lie. They’re gonna leave you waiting around for them to call and they won’t call. They’re gonna be cruel and they’re gonna be misleading, and your mother wanted me to add this, that by in large football players are the worst offenders, however, I think that it pretty much crosses all lines.
Julie: Are you done?
Coach Taylor: You are beautiful, you are sensitive, you are sweet and I don’t want to see you get hurt.
Julie: I love you too Dad.
Julie: So, it’s pretty obvious that both of you have a sudden weird curiosity into my social life, so in interest of full disclosure I would like to tell both of you, that I’m going on a date with Matt Saracen, time and place to be announced. Good night.
Coach Taylor: Good night, hon.
Tami: Good night, sweetheart